David & Michal
Pronunciation Guide:
Michal [mí-kuhl]
Paltiel [paltee-uhl]
Laish [laýish]
Background
Michal, Saul’s daughter, became David’s wife when he was a rising star at her father’s court. When Saul learned that she loved David, Saul told David that he could marry her if David would kill a hundred Philistines and bring Saul their foreskins. Saul explains this demand in terms of revenge against his enemies. However, the narrator of the story suggests a more wicked motivation: by sending David against the Philistines, Saul hopes he will be killed.
So how do you get the B-E-S-T, abundant life? You get it by managing the four parts we just mentioned: our behavior, our emotions, our sensations and our thoughts. Why these four? Because, these four parts are the four pieces that make up all God-created human beings. There are not three parts or more than four parts. All other aspects of human nature are related to one or more of these four parts. For example, spirituality is certainly an innate aspect of human nature. It is the combination of our thoughts and behavior.
Saul’s plan fails and David returns with a bag full of foreskins to claim his promised wife, Michal. David continued to became so popular that the old king’s paranoid animosity led him to try to kill David. When the murderous attempt took place Michal, who loved David very much, sided against her father and helped David to escape — and then lied to her father about how he got away.
After his escape, David lived as the head of an outlaw band for many years. During this time he took other wives. With David out of the way, Saul remarried Michal to Paltiel son of Laish. The Bible implies that they came to love each other very much.
After Saul’s death David, with his own kingship now in view, negotiated a treaty with Abner, who had been commander-in-chief of Saul’s army. During the negotiations David demanded that Michal be returned to David. This was done, much to the grief of Paltiel who mourned for days. (2 Sam 3:13-16). Some scholars also believe that she, too, grieved because they had established a loving, intimate relationship.
Years later, when David’s power was solidified, he brought the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. This momentous event called for a celebration that involved David’s tribal relatives (so say most commentators). David’s participation in the festivities was for benefit of the common folk — they loved it and adored his taking part (David was not only an effective military commander, he was also a natural politician). He had tremendous support from the people and he was savvy enough to realize that his popular political base could keep him in power if used to his benefit. This event was accompanied by rituals, music, and dancing. David was one of the star performers, dancing half-naked (having taken off his kingly robes and wearing only a loin cloth), through the streets — the crowds cheered him on.
By now Michal had grown from a love-sick girl to a grown woman who was a princess. She found his behavior shameful and rebuked him. She told him he had been too erotic in front of female spectators who were just common people. Apparently, she now saw David as a vulgar upstart. David became defensive and justified his behavior as religiously appropriate: “I didn’t dance in front of the slave girls but in front of the Lord..” Her criticism so upset David that told her he would never have sex with her again. This led to the end of their marriage in all but name.
What happened:
Life Domino:
- This inappropriate, public display of David annoyed his wife and she told him so.
- She said, “How dignified Israel’s kink was today! He was exposing himself before the eyes of the slave girls of his palace staff—like a mindless fool might expose himself!” (In the mind of royalty, a “slave girl” was any woman who was not royalty)
Thought Domino: Rather than honor her concerns, he became defensive. He may have had such ideas as:
- “Oh great! Now she is forcing me to choose sides. Since I’m the king I’m going to have to stand up to her and put her in her place.”
- “Doesn’t she realize that what is good for me is also good for her?”
- “She refuses to see that I must keep my people happy with their leader.”
- “She is forcing me to take sides — that is unfair”
- “Who does she think she is, acting this way towards me. I’m the king, she is just a Jewish princess.”
Emotions Domino: Possible emotions.....
- Disappointment
- Frustration
- Feeling rejected
- Resentment
Behavior Domino: He struck back and defended his actions as if she were wrong and he was right
Consequences Domino:
- David eventually destroyed his marriage by rejecting her as a life partner.
- He cut her off from his life — an emotional divorce.
- The kingly anointed line of Saul was never passed on through the line of David.
If the prophet Samuel (David’s prophet-mentor) had been trained in modern psychology — or David had taken the Renewing Your Mind class — David would have know about the dominoes. Then the following might have happened:
Scenario 1
Life Domino: David got a well-deserved tongue lashing for what he had done.
Thought Domino: It may have included:
- “This is awful — I had no idea she would be so hurt”
- “I’m sure glad she has pointed out to me how badly I screwed up.”
- “I better figure out how to repair the damage. I can begin by just listening to her and affirming her hurt and anger”
Emotions Domino
- Sorrowful
- Remorseful
- Angry at himself
Behavior Domino
- David told Michal how sorry he was that he had been so insensitive
- He now understood that she was eagerly awaiting his return and all she got was a public display of crude behavior
- He spent the rest of the weekend talking with, taking her to a nice restaurant and a show
- He wrote in his journal a note to himself to be more proactive about the effect he would have on his wife when he became behaved emotionally.
Consequence Domino
- They reconciled and made up
- The line of kings was unbroken
Scenario 2
Life Domino: Public celebration
Thought Domino
- David realizes during the public celebration that his wife might find his behavior offensive even though it may be politically expedient
- He realized he needed to change his behavior
Emotions Domino:
- He felt remorse for putting her in such a awkward position
- He felt sad that he may have hurt offended her dignity
Behavior Domino:
- He would have changed his style of celebration
- He would have put his kingly robes back on
- He would have apologized to his wife before she pointed out his behavior
- He would have put effort into reconciling with her by making her feel wanted and safe
Consequences Domino: The same
